Hold My Hand
by SteveChavezLove
Summary: Charley's afraid of a lot of things, but when Doc is with him, and holding his hand in his, he's not afraid of anything anymore. Doc/Charley Slash. AU from the movie. Feedback is appreciated :) Enjoy!


It had taken a lot of time and convincing to get their newest addition to the family to come out of the guest room and meet everyone. It was almost a week before the little guy finally emerged on his, own free will, out into the living area. Up until that point John had been sending Richard and Doc to leave the boy's food on a little coffee table that stood outside the guest bedroom door. After a few minutes the child would open the door to get his food, but he wouldn't let his face be seen. Allison McSween and her parents had been coming over often during this time just to check and see how the new child was doing, and it was during this time that Allison had begun to sit outside the door and talk to the child who was hiding on the other side. He was silent for a long while but finally Allison had convinced him that she wasn't going to hurt him and he started to talk back from the other side of the door. "Why don't you come out and meet everyone." She suggested one day. "I'm sure you'd like them all. They're very nice." The boys answer to this was simply. "No." Allison sighed. This was proving to be a challenge but she wasn't going to give up. "Why not, sweetie?" She asked. "Just cause..." The boy replied.

Allison smiled a little at that. "Well, alright..." She said. "I suppose we'll just have to have dinner without you again then. It's a shame. Everyone was really excited to meet you." And with that, Allison walked away from the door and went to join everyone else in the kitchen. "Is he gonna come out now?" Doc asked. Allison shook her head. "No, I'm afraid not." She replied, loud enough so that the boy, who was still hidden away, could hear her. Dick raised an eyebrow. "How come yer talkin' so loud, Ali?" He asked her, confused. Allison turned to him quickly and put a finger to his lip. "Hush." She whispered. "I'm trying to get him to come out." Dick nodded understandingly. Doc sighed. "John, should I bring his food to the door?" He asked. John nodded with a disappointed frown. "Yes, Doc, you may. I'm afraid we'll have to eat without the boy again." He said. Doc nodded and got up to go fix a plate of food for little Charles Bowdre. He hadn't been gone for a few seconds and suddenly the sound of a door creaking open was heard and everyone froze. The sound of little, timid footsteps came down the hallway and suddenly they all found themselves looking at a tiny brown haired, brown eyed boy. Everyone was silent.

Doc came walking back from the kitchen at that very moment, and as he turned to go down the hallway he found himself staring into the little boy's big brown eyes. Doc's jaw dropped open and he dropped the fork he was carrying. He couldn't believe it. Allison had actually gotten the kid to come out of the guest room. "Hello there, Charles." John greeted the boy, with a warm smile. The little boy gulped and took a step back. "Don't be frightened, dear." Susan tried. "We aren't going to hurt you." The boy looked at everyone at the table then frightfully at Doc. "Doc, step back." Allison said, quietly. Doc didn't move. He just kept looking at the little boy. "Doc, you're frightening the boy, step back a bit." John said. Still, Doc did not move. Instead, he slowly sat the plate of food on the table, then turned back to face the new child. The boy was still looking up at him with big, frightened eyes. "Hi..." Doc tried. "My names Doc." The boy kept staring at him, not saying a word. "Are you hungry?" Doc asked. This time the boy nodded a little. Doc grinned and extended his hand. The little boy stepped back a little. "It's okay." Doc assured him. "I won't bite." The child timidly stepped forward again and reached out slowly with his own hand. Doc opened his hand up wider, and let the smaller boy grasp it with his little, frail hand.

Doc smiled. "Come on..." He said. "We have an empty seat for you." Slowly he began to lead the little boy forward towards the table. Everyone else watched in amazement as Doc managed to lead the boy over to the other end of the table and got him to sit down between him and Dick. The boy looked up at everyone with frightened brown eyes. "It's okay...They're nice." Doc assured the boy, who was still tightly gripping his hand. The little boy looked up at Doc with wide eyes. Doc just smiled. "Go on." He said. "Say hello." The child gulped and looked back at everyone else. "He..hello..." He mouthed, timidly. "I...I'm Charley." Everyone smiled. Doc grinned, feeling proud of himself. How on earth he'd managed to do it he hadn't a clue, and why the boy had trusted him of all people was an even bigger mystery, but there was one thing that Doc did know. The little guy's hand felt kinda nice resting in his own.

...

As soon as he'd decided that no one was going to hurt him, Charley adjusted fairly well to life on the ranch. It had now been two months since he'd arrived that fateful night, and it was turning out to be a very stormy night. The lightning crashed across the sky and a loud crack of thunder quickly followed. It was one in the morning and the three Regulator boys were in the bunkhouse, though only two were asleep. Dick was sprawled out across his bunk, fast asleep with his face pressed down against the pillows. Doc was lying on his side, facing the wall and lightly snoring, but poor little Charley was wide awake. The poor child's eyes grew wider with each strike of lightning, and his breaths grew more and more frantic with every roll of thunder. He whimpered and covered himself all the way with his blanket in an attempt to block all the big scary noises out, but then suddenly the loudest crack of thunder yet scared him right out of his bed and sent him running to the other side of the bunkhouse.

Doc was fast asleep in his bunk until suddenly a soft tapping on his shoulder woke him from his peaceful slumber. Doc stirred slowly, opening his eyes up and then gently turning over in bed to face whoever was poking him. "Doc?" A soft little voice asked, as Doc turned over in bed. Doc yawned and opened his eyes up further to where he could clearly see that it was Charley standing at his bedside. "Yeah?" Doc asked. Charley's eyes got big and scared, like a puppy's eyes. "I..I'm scared of the storm..." He muttered. "Can...Can I sleep with you?" Doc gave Charley a suspicious look at first, but then he realized that Charley was far to young to be pulling any kind of sexual stunt so his eyes softened and he scooted over in bed to make room. "Okay..." He agreed. "But just for tonight." Charley nodded in agreement before he along with his teddy bear and small patchwork blanket, crawled into bed with Doc. Doc scooted over even more, trying to give Charley room and keep some distance between them.

Charley didn't take the hint though, and every time Doc scooted over he scooted over with him and snuggled up against the older boy. Doc sighed and opened his eyes up again, only to see Charley's sleeping face just centimeters away from his own. He couldn't wake him up now. He looked to peaceful. Doc just closed his eyes and tried to drift back to sleep, but suddenly a crash of lightning cracked across the sky and Charley whimpered before snuggling closer to Doc. Doc cracked one eye open and looked at the smaller boy. "It's okay, Charley." He told him. The boy still shivered and snuggled tightly against him. Doc sighed and shut his eyes again, trying to go to sleep, but after the next roll of thunder, he suddenly felt little arms wrap around him and a small, soft hand reaching out and grasping his own. Doc blushed and tried to pull away put Charley just gripped his hand tighter and snuggled closer. Doc sighed. Great. Now the little guy was making a habit of this hand holding thing. Doc took his free hand and was about to shove Charley away but then he looked down into the child's face, and saw the little content smile that spread across his lips. Doc sighed and put his free hand back down, as he continued to look at the younger boy who was snuggled up against. He didn't have the heart to push him away anymore. He was just too cute. Doc grinned a little and wrapped his free arm gently around the younger boy before closing his eyes for the final time that night and drifting off to sleep with Charley snuggled up against him.

...

"Hold still for a moment, Charles." John said, as he tried to get little eight year old Charley to hold still long enough for him to swap the turpentine onto his injured hand. The little eight year old had fallen off his horse and cut his hand on a sharp rock earlier that morning, and now John was trying to treat the wound and wrap it up. So far though, Charley was having none of it. Charley shook his head and pulled his hand back. "No, it stings." He wined. John sighed. "If I don't treat your hand properly it'll get infected." He told the boy. "Now come on, let me see it again." Charley whimpered and shook his head again. Suddenly he felt someone sit down next to him on the couch. Charley looked up to see Doc sitting next to him. "Here, Charley..." Doc said, holding out his hand to the younger Regulator. "You can hold my hand. It won't hurt so much then." Charley sniffled and looked down at Doc's open hand, then back up at the older boy again. "O..okay..." He whimpered and gripped Doc's hand with his good one.

Doc smiled. "See." He said. "That's better now, huh?" Charley gulped and nodded. John smiled. "Thank you for your help, Doc." He told the blonde boy before turning to Charley again. "Now, Charles, let me see your hand." He said, gently. Charley gripped Doc's hand tightly before slowly sticking his injured hand out for John to take care of. "Alright, hold still now." John whispered as he swabbed the turpentine onto Charley's wound. The little boy whimpered and hissed in pain. Doc gave the hand that was tightly gripping his a little reassuring squeeze. Charley looked up at him, wiping his teary eyes. Doc simply smiled warmly. Charley grinned back a little. "There we are." John said, bringing them both out of their daze. "Good as new." He gently finished wrapping Charley's hand with a bandage and the little Regulator held it up to look at it. "Thanks John." He said. "That wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be." John smiled and ruffled the boy's hair. "No thanks necessary my boy." He said before standing up and walking back towards the kitchen. "Just be more carful from now on." As he passed the boys he ruffled both their hair before disappearing into the kitchen to put the medical supplies away. Charley looked at Doc with questioning eyes. "What?" Doc asked. "You um...you can let go now if ya want." Charley told him, blushing. Doc looked down to see that he was still holding Charley's good hand in his. "Oh!" He exclaimed and let go immediately before getting up and walking towards "I'm sorry... I guess I wasn't payin' attention..."

Charley stared after Doc. "Wait..You don't have to leave..." He tried. Doc shook his head. "It ain't that..." He said, though he was obviously lying. "Dick's um..wanting me to help stack feed out at the barn." Doc lied through his teeth before walking out the front door and leaving Charley behind. Charley frowned and looked down at his hand that Doc had been holding. Up until now this hand holding habit had just been a comfort to him, but now that he was older it was beginning to mean so much more. And not just to him either, but to Doc as well.

...

Doc and Charley were alone at the ranch one evening, while John, Richard, and the two newest regulators, Chavez and Steve, were in town having dinner with Alex and Susan. The two boys had decided to stay behind and look after a mare that was due to foal at any time now, so at this moment they were both sitting up in the hayloft of the barn together, neither one saying a thing. Charley looked up at Doc. "Ya know you can talk to me." He muttered, desperate to start a conversation. Doc just kept starring down at the floor. Charley sighed and scooted closer to Doc, reaching his hand down and placing it on top of Doc's. Doc pulled away and jumped up. "What're you doin'!?" He demanded. Charley jumped at Doc's harsh tone. "I..I thought you were upset..." He explained. "I was just tryin' to make ya feel better." "Well knock it off!" Doc told him. "You're actin' like a god damn queer!" Charley's eyes began to fill with tears and his lip was quivering. "Well, maybe I am a queer!" He fired back. "Charley! Don't joke about that!" Doc told him. "Well it's true!" Charley yelled at him. "I am queer! Queer for you!" Doc glared at him. "You'd best quit messin' with me like that!" Doc warned him. "But...I'm not messin' with ya." Charley whimpered.

Doc's eyes began to soften as he stared back at Charley. He shook his head. "I don't know if I believe you, Charley." He said. Charley sniffled. "You want me to prove it?" He whispered quietly. Doc didn't answer for a long time. He just kept staring blankly at Charley. "I don't really know how you'd do that." He finally replied. Charley looked down at the floor. "Commere..." He muttered. Doc hesitated. Charley gulped and looked up a little. "You said you wanted me to prove it." He said, his voice shaky. "Come on...get over here." Doc sighed and slowly he approached Charley before sitting down next to him again. Charley then gulped before leaning over and placing a kiss against Doc's cheek. Doc gave him a weird look. "What was that?" He asked. Charley looked up at him, confused.

"A kiss." Charley explained. "You told me ya wanted proof, so there ya go." Doc shook his head. "That ain't proof, Charley." He said. "When yer queer for somebody you don't just peck 'em on the cheek." Charley looked down at the floor, embarrassed. Doc couldn't stop himself from doing what he did next. "When you're queer for somebody..." He started to say, cupping Charley's face. "You kiss them like this." Charley's eyes widened as Doc's lips pressed against his and kissed him. Doc ran a hand through the boy's curly brown hair, forcing him to continue the kiss. Charley was shocked, and his eyes were still wide with confusion. Doc pressed his tongue against Charley's lips, urging him to part them. Charley was appalled still but slowly he let his eyes fall closed and parted his lips for Doc. The older boy let his tongue swipe against the kid's lips before he let it slide into Charley's mouth to kiss him deeper.

Charley groaned and pressed his body against Doc, wanting something more. But, of course, Doc wasn't ready to steal the boy's innocence just yet, so he slowly broke their kiss and looked down into Charley's eyes. Charley frowned. He thought he'd done something wrong. Doc sighed. "I don't think we should take things that far yet." He said. Charley nodded in agreement. Doc looked down at his hand that was resting just a few centimeters from Charley's. Slowly he held his hand out to him. "Will um...will you be my beau?" He asked. Charley smiled and took Doc's hand in his. "You bet I will." He replied, giving Doc's hand a little squeeze before pecking him on the cheek again.

...

"Ow! Doc stop!" Charley cried into the pillow as Doc slipped his cock further into his tight hole. Doc halted his efforts to sink himself all the way into Charley and frowned. "You okay?" He asked. "No..." Charley whimpered. "This hurts." Doc slowly pulled out of him and sat down on the bed. Charley whimpered and sat back up before turning around to face Doc. "Want me to finger you some more?" Doc asked him, rubbing his hands over the seventeen year old's shoulders and peppering kisses all over his chest, neck, and face, in an attempt to keep the romantic mood going. Charley shook his head. "I'm sore, Doc." He whimpered. "I just wanna go to sleep." Doc frowned.

"I thought you said you wanted to do it tonight." He said, disappointed. Charley laid his head on Doc's shoulder. "I thought I did." He said softly. "But I don't think I like it. It hurts." Doc grinned. "Honey, it always hurts the first time." He said. "I promise though, it'll feel really really good after awhile, okay?" Charley gnawed at his lip, trying to decide what he wanted to do. Doc sighed and held out his hand. "I bet it wouldn't hurt so bad if ya held my hand." He said. Charley looked up at him with soft eyes and gulped. "Okay..." He finally agreed. "I guess we can try again." Doc smiled and kissed Charley before the younger boy kneeled over again and let Doc get positioned behind him. Doc placed his erection gently against Charley's virgin hole, then lifted his hand up and offered it to Charley. Charley gulped and grabbed a hold of it.

"You ready?" Doc asked. Charley whimpered in fear and squeezed Doc's hand. "Yeah." He said, shutting his eyes. Doc sighed and gently shoved his hips forward, sinking his rock hard cock into Charley's tight hole. "Ouch!" Charley yelped. "It's okay, baby." Doc assured him, as he gently thrusted in and out. "Squeeze my hand." Charley tightened his grip on Doc's hand and quickened his breaths as he buried his face into the pillows again. Doc knew Charley was in pain, and he felt awful for not stopping because of it, but he also knew that after these first few moments, this was going to be the best thing Charley had ever experienced, so he kept going. As the seconds passed the grip on Doc's hand became stronger and stronger, but then suddenly Charley loosened his grip and he started to moan and roll his hips in time with Doc's thrusts. Doc grinned. God, this hand holding thing really did come in handy sometimes.

...

The date was February 19th 1878, and the day before had been one of the worst days of all the Regulator's lives. John's death had shaken and traumatized them all, but none worse than poor Charley. As he stood at John's grave, weeping and sniffling, every memory from his biological father's death came flooding back. But this time it hurt even worse, for John had raised him from a tiny, timid little eight year old boy. Now Charley was eighteen, a full grown man, but even so he couldn't help the wave of depression that washed over him now. Two thick streams of tears rolled down Charley's face as he stood staring down at John's coffin while Richard began to cover the grave with dirt. "Daddy..." Charley whimpered before breaking down and crying right there in front of everyone.

Suddenly he felt two big, warm arms wrapped around him and pull him to his feet before hugging him tightly. Charley cried into Doc's shoulder, letting all his pain and anger flow out through the streams of tears that were rolling down his face. Doc just held him, and tried his best to be strong, though he too felt like he could cry a river. "John's in a better place now, Charley." He said softly. "Somewhere where it's always sunny and warm, and the Angel's sing, and where there's no pain or anger or hatred. He's in good hands too. God'll take good care of him. Heck I think John will make a great angel don't you?" Charley looked up slowly and nodded his head. Doc kissed his mouth. "I love you, Charley." He told him. "I'll take care of you now." Charley just sniffled and laid his head back against Doc's chest. "I love you too." He whimpered before looking up into Doc's eyes. "Can...Can I hold your hand?" He asked, tears still shimmering in his eyes. Doc kissed his forehead again before taking Charley's hand into his and giving it a reassuring squeeze. Yes, their lives had been turned upside down, but as long as they had each other, they both knew that they'd be okay.

...

The Lincoln County War had changed them all in different ways. It had made them wiser, stronger, braver and most of all it had brought them closer together then they'd ever been before. The Regulators had been through hell and back together to avenge the that they'd all loved as a father but now it seemed as though they'd be joining him in Heaven. Every single one of Murphy's and John Kinney's men stood outside of Alex and Susan's house, waiting for the chance to kill them all. Billy and Dick were sitting in one of the attic corners, cuddling and kissing each other. Chavez and Steve were having sex beneath a blanket on the ground, and Alex and Susan were snuggled up together enjoying one last night of peaceful slumber in each other's arms. Doc was holding Charley in his arms, tears rolling down both of their faces. "Please don't cry, Charley." Doc pleaded. "We're gonna be okay." Charley just sniffled and looked back at Doc. "Doc..." He whimpered. "I...I didn't wanna tell ya before. Cause, I...I thought you'd make me stay back in Mexico..." Doc was becoming worried. "What?" He asked. "What is it?" Charley laid his head back against Doc's chest. "I..I'm pregnant, Doc." He told him. "We were gonna have a baby... Now we're all gonna die in here...we'll never get to see her." Charley started to cry even harder.

Doc's eyes widened but despite his shock he was still sensible enough to comfort Charley. "We're going to get out of here, Charley." He whispered to him. "We're going to see our baby. You hear me? We ARE going to see her." Charley buried his face in Doc's shoulder. He didn't believe a word of what he was hearing, and to tell the truth neither did Doc, but they were both so desperate for comfort that they were willing to believe anything. Charley sniffled and looked up at Doc. "Doc?" He asked. Doc looked down at him, and Charley could clearly see that Doc was also in tears. "Yeah?" Doc asked. Charley squeezed a few more tears from his sad eyes. "Can...Can I hold yer hand?" He asked, before two long streams of tears came flooding down his face. Doc bit his lip and nodded, before his eyes too, released two long streams of tears and he gently held out his hand to Charley.

The little pugilist took Doc's hand in his and squeezed it. "I love you." He whispered to him. Doc sniffled and kissed Charley's forehead. "I love you two." He replied. "More than you'll ever know." Charley closed his eyes and rested back in Doc's arms. Doc just held him tight. He had no way of knowing if tonight would be their last or not, but one thing was for sure. After all these years, Charley's hand still felt perfect resting in his. Especially now since he was wearing the golden ring Doc had bought for him on his finger.

...

Doc finished nailing the last board on the crib he was building before standing up straight and admiring his work. He'd done pretty well considering he'd never been very good with construction work. "What do you think?" He asked, turning to face Charley who was currently standing by the window, looking out at the blizzard, with his hands resting on his outstretched belly. "It looks good..." He said. "But..Are you sure it'll hold her?" Doc chuckled. "Haha, very funny." He said, smiling as he came up behind Charley and draped his arms around him. Charley staid silent for some reason. Doc raised an eyebrow. "You okay?" He asked. Charley moaned and gripped his belly. "No..." He muttered. "I've been havin' these all mornin'." Doc sighed and put his hands around Charley's belly, feeling the contraction. "Charley do you think it's..." Doc began. Charley nodded and squeezed his eyes shut in pain.

"What're we gonna do, Doc?" He asked, in fear. "I'm going into labor and the doctor ain't gonna be able to get here through the blizzard...OW!" Doc hugged Charley tightly. "It's gonna be okay." He told him. "I know how to deliver a baby, everything's gonna be fine... Now let's get you into bed." Charley clung to Doc as the older man led him slowly back to their bedroom and helped him undress before laying him down in bed and sitting down next to him on the edge of the bed. He then gently leaned down and kissed him. Charley let a tear drip down his face. "Doc, I'm scared." He whimpered. Doc just smiled and stroked his hair before holding his hand out to Charley. "Just hold my hand, Honey." He told him. "Everything's gonna be just fine." Charley grabbed a hold of Doc's hand squeezed it. It was all the comfort he needed throughout the six hour labor and the birth of their baby girl. But, come to think of it, it was really all the comfort he needed whenever things got scary. Ever since they'd first met, Doc's love was the only comfort he'd ever needed, and it always would be, until the day that they died.

THE END 3


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